Creamy Sandwich

Okay, this one almost doesn't need commentary, but being me I just can't help myself. First the recipe:

2 slices white bread
1 T. smooth peanut butter
1 T. mayonnaise
1 t. almond extract
1/4 cup sharp cheddar cheese, shredded
3 chopped anchovies
1 clove garlic, diced
1/4 t. cinnamon
1/4 t. oregano
salt

Mix together peanut butter, mayonnaise and almond extract until smooth. Add cheese, anchovies, garlic, cinnamon and oregano. Salt liberally. Stir until completely combined. Spread filling over one piece of bread and top with the other. Fry in butter until bread is browned and crunchy and cheese is melted. Place sandwich on pretty plate with a sprig of parsley and three grapes. Serve warm.

There is so much wrong with this recipe I'm not quite sure where to begin. I think you should require a license to mix peanut butter and mayonnaise in the same recipe, and that license should be impossible to get unless the end of the world was imminent and that was the only way to accomplish its rescue. And almond extract? Really? They say that the road to hell is paved with good intentions, but I'm quickly becoming convinced that this is not correct. It's actually paved with creamy sandwiches - and that is all there is to eat once you get there. I mean, who, after combining peanut butter, mayonnaise and almond extract, then thinks to include cheese, anchovies, fresh garlic, cinnamon and oregano?!?!?!? Not to mention a liberal serving of salt. Of course you have to serve it on a pretty plate with parsley and 3 grapes (no more, no less) because the beauty of the plate will hopefully decrease the gag reflex and if there weren't parsley and grapes nobody would get anything to eat. Oh, I get it! It just became clear to me. This is diet food. And effective, too! This will have you losing weight in no time. And yes, you better serve it warm because you do not want to imagine this (let alone actually experience it) once it has cooled and congealed.