Monday, August 23, 2010

Mock Raspberry Jam

4 cups chopped green tomatoes
4 cups sugar
2 T. lemon juice
1 (6 oz.) package raspberry gelatin

Do not peel tomatoes. Grind tomatoes or put in food processor until chopped. Boil chopped tomatoes, sugar and lemon juice in large kettle for 20 minutes, stirring occasionally. Remove from heat; stir in gelatin. Pour into sterilized jars. Seal with paraffin wax or lid and band and process in hot water bath.

OH. MY. DEAR. GOD. WHY?!?!?!?!

(at least it doesn't have mayonnaise)

Thursday, August 19, 2010

Broccoli Casserole

1 (16 oz.) package frozen broccoli
1/2 lb. Velveeta cheese, cut into chunks
1 can cream of mushroom soup
1/2 cup Minute rice, uncooked
1/2 cup water
1 small can mushrooms
1/2 small onion, chopped and sauteed

Mix all ingredients in crock-pot and heat until cheese melts.

Well, at least it's easy. Of course, it gives no indication as to how long it might take until the cheese melts. Are you just supposed to wait around and watch? Maybe it's not as easy as the instructions make it sound after all. Sigh.

Frozen broccoli. Nothing wrong with that. We use that in our family. Good start. Okay, moving on. Velveeta. Have you read the ingredient list? It does not inspire confidence. But it melts well. That's about the best that can be said for it. I have to wonder what kind of new super artery blocker is created in the crucible of your casserole dish when Velveeta and cream of mushroom soup (canned) are mixed together and heated. And Minute rice. Come on, people. Is it too difficult to cook some real rice ahead of time, or add some more liquid and put real rice in? I mean, Minute rice is like the Velveeta of the grain world! So, maybe it fits in pretty well in this recipe. Water is about the healthiest and yummiest ingredient so far! And canned mushrooms - really? Is it too difficult to slice a few fresh, delicious button mushrooms? And it doesn't say anything about draining them, so do you add the brine as well? You know, 'cause it doesn't have enough sodium already.

And after all of these frozen, pre-processed, pre-packaged foods, off on it's wittle wonesome, you have HALF of a fresh onion, chopped. You know, they sell chopped onions in jars in oil. Or frozen even. But I guess you have to have your standards. You've got to stop somewhere. But really, only half? I've never understood recipes that only call for part of an onion (see Bloody Leroy or Sunburst Macaroni Salad).

My favorite, though, by far, was the description of the recipe that came with it, and I quote: "Are you looking for a delectable broccoli casserole recipe? The marriage of the amazing flavors of vegetable with other ingredients is the secret to this broccoli casserole. It is generally consumed as a yummy main dish. This broccoli casserole is surely going to make you famous amongst your friends once they taste it. Try it right away!"

I have no doubt it will make you famous amongst your friends. You and your toilets. And maybe you could work on a commission basis giving referrals to a cardiologist. So see? It could be profitable for everyone. It makes you famous, gives your friends an experience to write home about, and keeps the medical establishment alive. Everybody wins!