Sunday, August 23, 2009

Bloody Leroy

Well, summer is approaching its end and we would be remiss if we didn't provide some refreshing drink recipes to help you enjoy the rest of it to the full. We likely all have heard of the classic Bloody Mary - that refreshing mixture of vodka, tomato juice, Worcestershire sauce and Tabasco sauce. I now introduce you to her dirty cousin: Bloody Leroy.

1 8 oz. can tomato sauce
1 6 oz. can tomato paste
1 cup black coffee
3/4 cup beer (Killian's Red preferred)
3/4 cup fruit juice (citrus: orange/pineapple/mango type)
2 T. whiskey
1 T. lemon juice
1 T. Worcestershire sauce
1 T. vinegar (red wine garlic preferred)
3 cloves garlic minced
3 jalapeño peppers minced
1/4 large onion minced (1/8 red and 1/8 white preferred)
2 1/2 t. liquid smoke
2 T. brown sugar
1 T. molasses
1 1/2 T. crushed red pepper flakes
1 cube beef bouillon
1 1/2 t. salt
1 1/2 t. ground black pepper
1 1/2 t. paprika
1 1/2 t. cayenne pepper
3 dashes basil
3 dashes oregano
3 dashes savory

Put all ingredients into a blender and blend until smooth. Chill.

I think this must be the aperitif they serve so that you won't be able to taste the rest of this macabre menu. Did the person who invented this have his tongue seared by a flaming brand when he was two or something and this is the only thing that actually produces a sensation on his tongue? Jalapeño pepper, crushed red pepper, ground black pepper and cayenne pepper: and all in not insignificant quantities. My wife is constantly amazed by my tolerance for hot and spicy foods, but this is way too much, even for me. Now I like coffee, beer, fruit juice and whiskey but the thought of mixing them all together just sends me running for the toilet. It still boggles my mind that someone would think to put all of these ingredients together in one mixture and then actually drink it! I mean, you have vegetables, fruit, alcohol, caffeine, sweet, savory, all that pepper and a little bit of beefy goodness just to round it all out. This is the drink for someone who wants to wake up, drown his sorrows, clear out his sinuses and get a bit of his needed nutrition for the day all at once. What do you get for the man who has everything and is too busy to enjoy it? A bloody Leroy. It'll save you minutes a day that you could spend relaxing or playing. Or, you know, bowing before the porcelain throne.

1 comment:

  1. garnished with a pork rib!!! you forgot the most important part